Why I'll never be President

I'm almost 35. I was born in the US. I've never been convicted of a felony. As far as I can tell, I meet all the minimum requirements to run for the highest office in our land. Besides the fact that I don't possess any political ambitions and the fact that I've never held any office, not even in high school, there are reasons why I could not be the President of the United States of America.

I hate the UN. For some reason, the President still feels compelled to speak to the UN. If I were President I would not even reply to their threats or invitations. I would do all that I could to cut the ENORMOUS contributions we make to this organization of leeches and paper pushers. I would suggest that they all go home to their own countries. The UN may have been useful, even necessary at some point in the past. It's over now. Send them home. We've already got a bloated, ineffective beauracracy... called the Federal Government.

I couldn't tolerate being lectured by Senator Teddy "Whiskey Barrel" Kennedy. Ted, say thanks to your deceased brothers for creating equity in the Kennedy name. You've really distinguished yourself in the past 30 years... you're nearly as relevant as Jesse Jackson. Keep up the good work.

I don't have the restraint to watch our soldiers dying daily in a wasteland like Iraq and not want to carpet bomb the cities where insurgents hide in mosques and houses. Terrorists understand one language. Violence. I think they laugh and shake their heads as they watch our Senators huff and puff and get red in the face as we talk about what methods of interrogation are acceptable... what sort of legal representation are we going to provide to detainees... Look down at your hands. These guys would chop off one of them and watch you scream and bleed. If you don't answer their questions before you run out of feet and hands and ears, etc. then they'll just cut your throat. They can't imagine anything else. Send in the bombers. BOOM! Who's next?

I still refer to the Mexicans who illegally cross our borders as illegal aliens. I know it's become PC to call them "migrants" and "undocumented workers" but that's making a silk purse of a sow's ear. I've worked with some really good cowboys who came to this country from Mexico and worked hard to be naturalized citizens. The process works. If we don't enforce the border laws that we have we diminish the value of being a citizen.

I don't believe big government is the answer. I would work hard to dismantle and disempower many of the top heavy governmental organizations. The government does not need to be involved in bumble bee research projects, funding art work, buying flu shots or anything else that doesn't have to do with justice, domestic tranquility, the common defense, the general welfare and most of all, Liberty. The government has done such a lousy job of almost everything it's touched that there's no reason to give it more work to do.

I'm sure that there are many more reasons why I'll never be President (or even city councilman for that matter) but I think the list above will suffice for today's reading.