You Never Really Know

Looks like the BTK killer is in custody in Wichita, KS. This man, Dennis Rader was a Park City employee. He is married with two grown children. He had just become president of Christ Lutheran Church in Park City. He seemed absolutely, boringly normal (though not particularly tactful) to those people who knew him.

Just in case you've not read anything up to this point about this case the killer chose the name BTK himself in a letter to local media. He described what he did to the victims; Bind them, Torture them, Kill them. He has been linked to ten murders beginning in 1974 and ending in 1991. He had been silent for years before March 2004 when he sent a letter to the Wichita Eagle-Beacon with a copy of a victim's drivers license.

What happens to a man to make him capable of this type of depravity? What happens inside a guy's mind to allow him to maintain two different lives? What must it take to bind, torture and kill and then drive home to wife and family and act naturally? What must his wife be thinking? What must his children be thinking?

A case like this (if it proves to be true, of course) cuts another notch into the national ability to trust. Now, we have to look at our neighbors, the ones who look normal, who grill burgers in their backyards, who hold steady jobs, who regularly attend church, who drive normal cars, who talk about the ballgame... we have to look at them and realize that we do not know them. We have to realize that we know what they want us to know. We have to realize that we are all susceptible to lies. As clever as we believe ourselves to be we must admit that we have been fooled. We have been deceived. We have been lied to.

Is it any wonder that Satan has his way with us sometimes? Are you surprised that we sometimes fall for his lies? Now, more than ever before, it's clear to me how much I must rely on God for strength and clarity. I must seek His favor. I must know His truth.

Flatten my taxes

Flat tax supporters are getting a little glint of excitement in their eyes today. The report comes back from Bratislava that Bush has made comments praising the Slovak Republic's flat tax. Bush has made several comments about reforming our tax system and I, for one, see the flat tax as the best proposal on the table.

Our tax system now is so large and labyrinthine that it's become the metaphor for all things overgrown, mutated beyond recognition and bloated with meaningless appendages. In terms of a business case argument for the flat tax let's start by getting rid of the paper that the code is printed on each year. Let's get rid of the thousands of IRS publications that are required for me to find out if I qualify for a deduction and then how much that deduction might be. Let's get rid of the thousands of IRS employees that are necessary to decipher the mathematics of our tax returns. Let's get rid of the sickening feeling I get when I pull out the tax documents file and begin the task of filling in the blanks, doing all the math and trying to determine if I owe money or if the IRS is going to give me back some of my money.

Sometimes, you know something is right by it's very simplicity. How much money did you make last year. Send in 15% of that amount.

I try my hand at movie reviews

I don't know what the problem is... I'm trying to conjure up some anger about something... you know, to fuel my writing. I'm reading about Terry Schiavo. I'm reading about Bush visiting Europe and making nice with Germany and France. I'm reading about Michael Jackson's trial. I'm reading about mudslides in Cali, bird flu, Ward Churchill (who now admits he's not really Native American)... and I just can't seem to generate any ire. I think Teddy Kennedy needs to "belly up to the bar" of the national media more often because that man can certainly flare my anger. What happened to John Kerry? He was great at it. He may as well have worn a target on his shirt. How about Barbara Boxer? Don't we need a congressional hearing on something, anything so that these blowhards have a venue? The straight pin of my prose is without the balloon of their stupidity! I wallow in the quicksand of a non-election year! Woe is me.

Maybe I'm going to have to work on my humorous writing. Maybe satire...No, I'm not smart enough to write satire. Satire's hard. Maybe I should start reviewing movies.

I watched Napoleon Dynamite the other day. The acting was first rate. The lead character, Napoleon lives with his grandmother and his brother, Kip. Kip is 32 and spends a substantial portion of his life online looking for his soulmate in chat rooms. Grandma spends less than five minutes on screen, in which time she crashes her four wheeler in the dunes and must be hospitalized. Napoleon is a high school student with an unbearable attitude. He's the biggest geek you've ever seen... unless you knew me in high school. (Psycho babble warning...) He's clearly covering up his feelings of inadequacy with a gruff exterior, an aggressive tone and hiding inside the fantasy world of his drawings. It's all rather pointless until he befriends two other outcasts, a girl named Debbie and a boy named Pedro and together they succeed, against all odds to get Pedro elected student body president. I'd say it's the feel good hit of the winter... but that's really pushing it way too far. It is however, quite quotable. If you like the word "freakin", can conjure up some hostility and have the ability to never make eye contact you can do a pretty good Napoleon impression. All in all, it's good clean fun. Look for the llama, Rex Kwan Do, raw egg refreshment and the FFA milk cow judging contest. And probably a sequel.

Born Free - Middle Aged Spring Fever Remix

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship,design a building, write a sonnett, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying,take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure,program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.Specialization is for insects."--Robert A. Heinlein

I want to walk out of this office and change out of these clothes and enjoy the blue sky, the breeze, the warm sun. I was not made for offices.

The law of the jungle... unheeded

I watched a couple of killings yesterday. The most impressive were the ones on the National Geographic Explorer show called Predators at War. The show followed jaguars, lions, hyenas, cheetahs, African wild dogs and showed the dramatic struggles for life. These magnificent creatures killed gazelle, kudu, cape buffalo and even each other as they fought to survive. Primarily, the predators were hunting and killing for the purpose of eating the prey. The exception was a mature male lion, an enormous creature who found occasion to kill a young hyena with a broken back. The hyena couldn't stand but could move his front legs and his head and neck. The lion simply walked up to the hyena and crushed his neck and windpipe. The lion clamped down on the hyena and stayed in the kill position until the hyena's body was cold. In this rare case, the lion was killing the competition instead of looking for a hot meal.

A less impressive kill was my dog, Maggie killing a baby squirrel she found. The divine Mrs. L and I were busy taking down a decrepit old rock wall at our house and Maggie was right beside us, sniffing and pawing at the mortar. With only a couple of feet of wall left standing a squirrel darted out of the hollow, ran for the nearest pecan tree and escaped Maggie's teeth by jumping onto our house. As the last section of the wall came down Maggie jumped into the debris and pulled a baby squirrel from the remains of a nest. Instincts took over and she crushed the helpless baby to death. Unlike the animals on tv, she had no idea what to do with it once it was dead. She carried it around. She dropped it from time to time and then pushed at it with her nose, almost like she expected it to run away. Technically this killing was purposeless. Maggie doesn't need to kill squirrels to eat and she doesn't compete with them for food. I don't hold it against her.

As Maggie killed the little squirrel she found in the wall, I was digging through the remains of the nest, expecting to find at least one more baby squirrel. I did. I pulled the little guy (girl? who knows?) from the pile of mortar and rocks. He seemed unharmed. His eyes were not yet open. His fur was little more than an auburn haze that hovered just above his skin. His claws were black and already sharp as nails but his legs weren't strong enough to hold him up. I curled him back into a fetal position in my hand and held him close to my chest. He seemed comforted and apparently, went back to sleep. My wife found a sock and we put him inside to keep him warm and cuddled. The boys each took turns holding and touching the little survivor in his new, white cotton nest. After the job of tearing down the wall was complete I took him to a friend's house and they are going to do their best to raise him and release him. When I left their place last night he was sucking half and half out of an eyedropper and squealed if he wasn't held securely enough. I hope he makes it.

Now, for the difficult part. What is it about me that makes it possible for me to watch the dog crunch one baby squirrel and then two minutes later spend quite a bit of time and energy to save the other one? Why can I hunt and kill all kinds of animals, squirrels included but couldn't stand to watch that second baby die? As the divine Mrs. L pointed out I myself have put out glue traps to catch the little creatures that might make their homes in my attic and when I catch the unfortunate mouse I take it to the alley and quickly dispatch it with a stick of firewood to the head. Why then could I not bear to watch the second squirrel die or even to kill it myself? I don't know. Maybe it's as simple as having held it in my hands and looked down at it's face, seen the absolute helplessness of an infant and therefore, recognized my complete responsibility for it's life. Maybe it's that all babies are precious because they have no bad ideas, they have no dangerous motives, they harbor no ill will toward anything. They just want to live, breathe. Maybe I recognize that the squirrel has no choice but to trust the hands that held it after pulling it from the wreckage of the wall and that I couldn't then violate that trust by allowing it to come to harm. I realize that the squirrel is having no such ethical concerns. Maybe it's that I know that I can violate the laws of the jungle and that I can show mercy when there is no logical explanation for doing so.

The squirrel is doing, by instinct what it knows to do to survive. It was sucking on that eyedropper. It can't begin to differentiate between motive and moral values and it never will. Hopefully, it will have a chance to climb a tall tree, scamper across a powerline, outrun a dog and bury pecans all over my friend's yard.

Reason # 274

As if we needed any more reason to get out of the UN we now have evidence that the Oil for Food program that was supposed to be keeping Iraqi children from starving was actually lining the pockets of UN inspectors and of course, the Hussein family. Who couldn't see that coming? Take three parts lunatic dictator, four parts greedy beauracrat, one part international embargo, one hundred million barrels unrefined natural resource, mix and cover with UN incompetence for three to five years. Voila! Huge scandal.

Prior reasons to dump the UN... How about Saddam Hussein smuggling $9.7 billion worth of oil out of Iraq under the UN's watchful eyes? How about having troops on the ground in Rwanda before the genocide started, milling about smartly in their powder blue helmets while 800,000 Tutsis are hacked to death with machetes? How about declaring the former Yugoslavia a safe haven while Ratko Mladic enacted the slaughter of Bosnian Muslims? Yes, UN peace keeping forces were there, too. (By the way, both of these genocides occurred on Kofi Annan's watch as undersecretary general in charge of peacekeeping forces. Rwanda happened with his prior knowledge of the Hutu plan.)

All to say, who needs the UN? Not the United States. Not Russia. Not Great Britian. Not France or Germany or Italy. Not Rwanda. Not Bosnia. Not Iraq. Not Iran. The only purpose that the UN is currently serving is giving jobs to people like Annan. The UN is a redundant beauracracy that sucks funding from all the member nations and yet, has no real power. The mandates that they produce are no more than "I wish" statements. The meetings that they hold following disasters, such as the recent tsunami, produce nothing more than a written document that is not binding on anyone, doesn't commit to anything, doesn't change the situation in the least but gives the UN the warm fuzzies that they're (heavy sarcasm) working hard to end the suffering. What a bad, bad joke on us.

Bush proposed cutting 150 government funded programs in his budget. We all know that less than 10 of those will actually be eliminated by Congress, if that many. How about getting rid of whatever we're spending on the UN. The building we gave them in NY has to be worth millions, maybe billions. The funding they receive, the US troops they command, the real estate, the privileges while on our soil... all should be reclaimed. Send Kofi Annan and the rest of that impotent organization back to whatever it was they did before they climbed on the gravy train.

My favorite part of parenting...

My sons were given the choice of a birthday party with their friends or a hunting trip with dear old dad. My oldest son, age nine, chose the birthday party. My youngest son, age six at his next birthday, chose the hunting trip.

We're going to hunt the elusive feral hog. These are wild pigs, sometimes descended from domesticated pigs, sometimes descended from wild boar, sometimes descended from both. They are known as the "poor man's grizzly" because they are tough, smart, very adaptable to many environments and they are the most dangerous big game in the state of Texas. I think my son is almost as excited as I am.

I kind of felt guilty about my own excitement for this upcoming hunting trip... for a minute. Then it dawned on me that a great part of parenting is interacting with your children in all sorts of situations. Parenting is not a classroom or a college lecture. Parenting is on the job training. It will be good for my sons to see how a man treats animals, how a man acts when he's away from his home and his wife, how a man acts when he's with his friends, how a man plans... how a man IS a man. It will be great for them to learn from me that some risks are worth taking, pain is temporary, power over life and death is not casually taken, strength does not come from a gun, a hunt is complete without a kill...

I may turn out to be better at this phase of parenting than I once imagined.

God, please use me to teach my sons the lessons that they should learn. Strengthen me to be the example of your love, your strength, your mercy, your focus, your generosity, your integrity to these young men. Strengthen me to direct them to you.

Ward, Not Winston

I read Ward Churchill's complete essay and addendum. I didn't want to just repeat what was being said on the news and talk radio so I found the complete text and read it for myself. You may do so at this address:
http://www.kersplebedeb.com/mystuff/s11/churchill.html

It can be summed up by saying that America deserved what we got on September 11.

Churchill says that we actually deserve much, much more than we got and that the terrorists, who he refers to as "soldiers" were "humanitarian" in their "counterattack." Churchill says that America's military is primarily about the business of destroying any country or leader that might stand in the way of American corporate profit. He says that if the bombing and burning of thousands of "brown skinned children" is the price we have to pay for our daughters to have the right sweater and our sons to have their soccer games then the American military stands ready to do it. Churchill says that Middle Easterners have no history of "exterminating others purely for profit" as Americans do. Churchill says that the people working in the WTC were participants by virtue of their willful, blissful ignorance of the American military campaign to effectively rule the world by whatever means necessary. Churchill says that if the "soldiers" who destroyed the WTC were trying to get even they must blow up 300,000 more buildings and kill another 7.5 million Americans. He concludes his essay with these lines, "As they should. As they must. As they undoubtedly will. There is justice in such symmetry."

In order that we not slip on the slope of dismissing opinions with which we disagree I'll address the problems with Mr. Churchill's essay.

The problem with Churchill's work is what is NOT said. Churchill's first glaring ommission is the culpability of anyone but America. He makes no mention of Japan's attack at Pearl Harbor. He does not mention Iraq's invasion of Kuwait or of the Hussein's collection of marble toilets, heroin, pornography and rape rooms. He does not mention Palestinians except to say that they are fighting against their sadistic oppressor, Israel, a nation funded by America.

Churchill's second blatant ommission is the good work that America does. He does not mention the hundreds of millions of dollars we give each month. He does not mention our struggles against Soviet communism. He does not mention the advances in every conceivable facet of human life that have come from America.

Finally, Churchill fails to draw a clear connection between bombing children in Iraq and American prosperity. He asserts that there is some profit to be gained by dropping millions of tons of bombs. He asserts that there is some profit to be gained by enforcing sanctions against Iraq. He makes these assertions but never connects the dots.

Let me speak on behalf of my country and say that we've certainly made mistakes. We've embarassed ourselves with our deplorable mistreatment of native Americans. We've shamed ourselves by kidnapping and enslaving West Africans to pick our cotton. We've made terrible decisions and mistakes that have cost lives. We've apologized for most of them and learned our lessons from most. We've made reparations to some and attempted to take affirmative action to compensate for the damage in others. We've addressed the wrong and we attempt to make it right.

We would rather do business with Iraq than go to war. We would rather trade with Iran and Afghanistan than have to send our troops to these places. We would rather be friends than enemies. We believe that a brighter future is coming to the people of Iraq and Afghanistan. We believe that there will be a day when we buy and sell Iraqi goods. We believe that there will be a day when we trade with and travel to Iraq and Afghanistan as we now do to Italy, Germany, Japan and even Russia.

Mr. Churchill, your work is passionate but shabby. You destroy your own credibility when you ignore the obvious contradictions to your arguments instead of addressing them. You've described only one side of the coin when it's clear that there are two sides.

Maybe I'm Stupid

There will be plenty of military movies and tv shows this year. The war in Iraq and Afghanistan is an ongoing news event ensuring that we will see and hear from soldiers on a daily basis. This constant reminder that some of our citizens wear a uniform and carry a gun for a living forces the producers of tv, movies and even video games to address the military. Not that movies and shows about soldiers have ever gone out of style... but there will be some updated, more relevant portrayals in the near future.

I think for most people that is as close as they want to get. They want to look at the soldiers and wonder at the life of a warrior. They want to experience the drama of life and death struggle for those hours in a movie theater and then be able to reconvene their normal life in the parking lot and the drive home.

I see the pictures of the Marines in Afghanistan and I want to go. I saw the story of the Marines who died when their helicopter crashed and I want to get in line to fill the places they've left open. I don't imagine for a minute that war is a glorious experience. I don't imagine that I would be the best soldier or that I would walk through the bullets and the bombs and come out unscathed. I do not imagine that I would be unafraid. I do not believe that I wouldn't long for the day that I could come home and hold my wife again and kiss the faces of my children. I would be scared, sad and lonely. All of that reality and I still feel a strong desire to go take the place of the fallen soldiers on the battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan.

Maybe it's stupid. Maybe it's a mental disorder. Maybe it's an unfulfilled hero inside of me. Maybe it's that my father served in Vietnam my grandfathers served in World War II. Maybe I'm crazy. I don't know exactly what makes me feel like this.

God, help me be a hero here. Show me the opportunities for heroic action here. Show me how to be the father that my sons are proud of. Show me how to be the husband that my wife cannot live without. Show me how to uphold the ideals of honor, valor and heroism that I hold inside.

Terrorists threaten toy soldier

Al Jazeera jumped right on the story of the Mujahedin Brigade's capture and threatened execution of a toy soldier (the Mujahedin Brigade claimed he was an American soldier) last week. The Mujahedin Brigade produced a video showing an action figure named Cody in front of their black flag with a rifle aimed at his head. They threatened to kill Cody unless America released Iraqi prisoners within 72 hours. Al Jazeera stuck by their story long after we all knew that it was a hoax.

I was instantly critical of the Al Jazeera staff for letting this obvious hoax slip through. Even with an intense anti-America bias, a news organization should be able to tell the difference between a real human being and a plastic toy. (Al Jazeera has never held much credibility for news delivery outside of the middle east BUT their influence in that region cannot be denied.) I was critical of Al Jazeera for hanging on to the story when we all knew it was fake. I was critical of Al Jazeera for believing a story was true because they wished it were true.

Then I remembered Dan Rather, CBS and the fake document debacle. The parallels are astonishing. It's got to be somewhat releiving for Al Jazeera to realize that they are not the only ones in the world to be duped. It's got to be incredibly humiliating to CBS to realize that they are in such despicable company.

I think it's a TV show detective who said, perhaps regularly, that the conclusions must follow the investigation. The investigation cannot follow the conclusions.

How sweet the breath that is drawn in freedom

Sometimes I find myself angered about some ridiculous behavior and I distill my irritation into words as I write. Sometimes I find myself needing to pray and I am best able to express those prayers in writing. Today I find that I'm touched by the innocence and joy of the Iraqi people as they cast their first free votes.
I saw families that dressed in their very best clothes, parents and children and then walked through the dusty streets to stand in line at the polls. They talked and laughed. They celebrated the budding freedom that the election represents. Even while the terrorists in their country carried out suicide bombings at polling places around the country more than half of the registered Iraqis went boldly to the polls to cast a vote. Maybe freedom is more powerful than terror. Maybe the Iraqis know better than the rest of us that it is better to die in freedom than to live in oppression. No matter what lessons history will draw from this period of time and the great changes that are honorably begun in Iraq and Afghanistan I know that I will never forget the joy and the gratitude on the faces of those who were liberated. I hope that I never again take for granted the freedom that I've enjoyed all my life.